


Gentle

by keiththespacekitty (fatherlords)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Character Study, Coming Out, M/M, Trans Male Character, adashi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:01:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24351760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fatherlords/pseuds/keiththespacekitty
Summary: Shiro reflects on Adam
Relationships: Adam/Shiro (Voltron)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	Gentle

There was a mystery to solve with Adam. 

He had a way of appearing stoic, as though he constantly put up a professional mask, the only cracks that overtly appeared being a sharp wit and a dry, sardonic humour. Even back at the garrison, even as a teen, Adam always seemed like a man determined to have a personality as beige as wallpaper.

But that wasn't the real Adam.

Shiro was used to people watching- at first, out of boredom, although after everything, people watching had become a necessity. Although watching Adam was intriguing to him.

Adam was currently writing something at the desk, although Shiro didn't know what. He sat with his back straight, shoulders back, feet flat against the floor, professional, cold. Except Shiro knew him well enough to see through it.

Shiro noticed the way that Adam's brows would knit slightly in confusion every few lines, and he'd grip the pen just a tad tighter. He'd breathe out loudly through his nose, and continue with a small shake of his head. After a few minutes, he'd pause to roll his shoulders and crack his neck with either a bored or frustrated sigh, before pulling his chair a marginal fraction closer to the desk and continuing with a blank, unreadable expression.

That's how he knew that Adam cared about what he was writing, because when Adam didn't care, he'd type it out straight onto the document instead of drafting it on paper first. Shiro had been woken up multiple times by the frustrated clacking on the keys of Adam's laptop, the heavy sighs, and the frustrated groans of a man with two cups of coffee on his desk working at three am.

Shiro had the luxury of knowing Adam during his garrison days, a young cadet who, to most people, seemed uptight, if not a little angry. But Shiro remembered the first time he saw Adam cry.

They'd been in Adam's dorm, talking, at first, whilst Adam finished an assignment for biology. It had gotten to five am, and Adam had raised his hands as if to knock his work off the table, before he politely excused himself from the table and made to walk out of the dorm, but Shiro has caught the tears in his eyes and gently guided him to sit on his bed, and Adam had cried. 

He'd started slowly, holding back his tears and trying to control his breathing, insisting that he was fine. Shiro had gently laid a hand on his shoulder, and Adam had just started sobbing. Shiro had tentatively pulled him closer, scared that Adam would pull away from the touch- after all, he never really seemed like the cuddly type. But Adam accepted the hug without protest, lifting his feet off the floor and curling up, clinging to Shiro like his life depended on it. 

It had surprised Shiro, because Adam had never appeared emotionally vulnerable. It was the first time that Shiro stopped seeing Adam as an acquaintance and started to see him as a friend. Because Adam was closed off, and here he was, sobbing into Shiro's shoulder over a 5am essay. He seemed inconsolable, and Shiro regretted never making much effort to speak to him in class, because maybe if they'd been friends sooner, Shiro would have noticed that nobody else seemed to talk to Adam. 

After that, Shiro had made the effort to talk to him more in class, and had found that before making a sarky comment to the teacher under his breath, the corner of his mouth always quirked up in a subtle, troublemaking grin. And just like that, Shiro was falling for him. 

It became apparent that Adam wasn't naturally studious and neat. Adam's room was progressively messier the more relaxed he became around Shiro- and for Adam, that wasn't much, maybe an unmade bed or a rogue jumper that Shiro could have sworn he had in his wardrobe somewhere, but it was a sign that Adam was becoming more comfortable around Shiro. And then it occurred to Shiro that Adam was almost never so unguarded, was therefore always uncomfortable.

Adam wasn't easy to make friends with. Not because he was boring, but because he didn't seem to know how to make them. He didn't see any of his own hobbies as interesting, often professing that he didn't have any, and the two often descended into awkward silences where Adam didn't know what to say and he wasn't unguarded enough for Shiro to be let in.

But Adam was a warm person. Socially awkward, stoic, and warm. Adam would get a goofy smile on his face whenever Shiro cracked a particularly terrible joke, would respond with a thinly veiled insult, although his voice always softened when he did so.

And most importantly to Shiro, Adam was the only one who called him Takashi. 

Sure, Shiro liked his nickname, but Adam had seen through that. Shiro remembered the first time Adam called him his name, and how emotional the day had been.

_"Shiro?"_

_"I'm fine," Shiro protested, "I'm okay."_

_"Shiro," Adam repeated, voice firm with intent, but softened at the edges of his words, "I can tell that you aren't okay. What's happened."_

_"Nothing's happened, I just…" Adam frowned, as though it didn't register to him that Shiro could be upset without a reason. Of course, Shiro was upset with a reason, and of course, Adam knew this somehow. Shiro had noticed himself falling in love, with Adam, and it scared Shiro, because a huge part of his identity was still a secret from anyone except the garrison staff, and Shiro was sure that it would throw away any chance he had of Adam loving him too._

_"Shiro," Adam repeated softly, "what's wrong?"_

_"I have something to tell you," Shiro managed, because it was bubbling up and festering into self hatred again, and Shiro knew that he couldn't let himself spiral again. He'd worked too hard to love himself, and besides, Adam was his friend. He knew that he could be vulnerable with Adam, and Adam would take that vulnerability with complete seriousness, would unquestioningly hold it close to his heart as though it was his own secret to protect._

_"I'm listening," Adam replied, body language relaxing to show that he was open, that he could be the emotional support that Shiro needed right now._

_"My name isn't Shiro," he began slowly, "it's a nickname. Part of my surname, Shirogane." Adam already knew this, but it was an important detail, and Adam seemed to understand this, looking to Shiro with gentle intent. Shiro almost felt like crying, emotionally drained thinking of all the outcomes to this talk, even if he knew that the worst ones weren't realistic. "The teachers call me Shiro because I asked them to, so they don't read out the name on the roll call."_

_"Why," Adam asked softly, no judgment, no question, just a gentle prompt for Shiro to continue._

_"Because it's my deadname," Shiro replied quietly, "and I'm scared of people using it. My surname is the same no matter what, no matter what people see me as, so they have no reason not to use it. My surname doesn't change if they see me as male, or… not. And I'm scared that if I stop telling people to call me Shiro, that if I start asking people to call me Takashi, then they'll call me my deadname instead."_

_"Takashi," Adam began softly, reaching out to gently touch his arm, "you have a right to hear your name. Especially if you chose it yourself, just like you have a right to every other part of your identity. I think I already know, but, can you tell me, personally, why you changed your name?"_

_Shiro took a deep breath. "I'm trans." Saying it with Adam, however difficult, felt as natural as breathing. The nerves were creeping in, but Adam remained gentle and patient._

_"Takashi," Adam began, looking Shiro in the eye, "you never have to worry about that with me. You'll always be Takashi to me, unless and until you change that yourself. I'll always call you Takashi. It's your human right, and it's important to me- you're… important to me, okay?" Adam took a deep breath, moving his hand up to cup Shiro's cheek. "I love you, Takashi."_

Shiro was feeling sentimental. Adam was loving, kind, accepting, gentle. Adam was gentle, and Shiro felt safe. Even after all these years, all the hurt, the break up, the trauma, he'd found his way back home, to Adam. Adam who would smile softly when Shiro hugged his teddy bear whilst he helped him with his T shot. Adam who would laugh unguarded every time Shiro shot him a cheesy pick-up line when they couldn't sleep at night. Adam who would hold him close after the nightmares and whisper gentle reassurances into Shiro's ear, would rock them gently, would make sure that Shiro was aware of his needs and emotions, would keep him grounded.

Most importantly, Adam loved him, gently.


End file.
